Today's post on "God Wants you to know" from Facebook was "How you respond to the life God offers you is what makes you." I think I am still surprised at my reactions. Sometimes I am surprised at how optimistic I sound, and yet that is how I truly feel. Or how I have trained myself to feel-I'm not sure there is a difference. But either way, I believe it is a blessing.
Having a difficult life when you are young - having to grow up too soon, not having a stable hometown and no long-term friends - teaches you how to deal with difficulties alone. I have seen wonderful people from stable, loving homes get tragically overwhelmed when they don't have to deal with true tragedy until they are adults. Without learning any coping mechanisms, they become confused, disoriented and angry, because they were never told this is how life can be.
So on the days when I am healthy enough to ponder, I choose to be thankful every day for my blessings and wonder at the Mercy of God that He gave me so much. I see my amazing husband, my beautiful children, my lovely house and even the body that God chose to give me. Outwardly, it looks fine and healthy, and so far, everything still works pretty well, so I can take care of these blessings I have been given. So, I am happy for all of this.
On the other days, when I know how dying feels, I cannot feel all this, so I choose to be thankful today.
And I suppose that is what makes me.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
What goes up, must come down...
Well, the good thing about not posting more often is that you can see exactly how far you've come from the last time you posted! Now I'm more than 6 months post-surgery and the school year is in full swing (with all that entails with boys in 1st and 3rd grade)...and I'm watching my 3yo granddaughter again 5 days awake and taking her to preschool part of each day. So, needless to say...I'm exhausted. The auto-immune exhaustion seems to be part of daily life again and, although I just got done with a 3 day bedrest break, I'm still feeling fragile.
Today I'm going to take new xrays of the back again for my 6 month checkup tomorrow. I'm sure it's fine...the surgery area feels really strong and stable. The scar feels very sensitive once in a while, and I have those "bee sting" episodes with no warning, but overall, it's the least of my problems. I did overdo it, and take some stimulant meds from my rheumatologist, that brought the right leg nerve pain screaming back again, and that was when I realized I still need my pain meds after all these months, even though I just take them every night and don't even think about it anymore. So that's the good news!
Now off to do my Flylady 15-minute routine for the day and try to stay caught up until the next crash!
Today I'm going to take new xrays of the back again for my 6 month checkup tomorrow. I'm sure it's fine...the surgery area feels really strong and stable. The scar feels very sensitive once in a while, and I have those "bee sting" episodes with no warning, but overall, it's the least of my problems. I did overdo it, and take some stimulant meds from my rheumatologist, that brought the right leg nerve pain screaming back again, and that was when I realized I still need my pain meds after all these months, even though I just take them every night and don't even think about it anymore. So that's the good news!
Now off to do my Flylady 15-minute routine for the day and try to stay caught up until the next crash!
Friday, July 16, 2010
The Earth Moved Under My Feet!
No, I didn't fall down. No, it wasn't my darling husband! But we did have an earthquake nearby in Mont Co, MD that registered 3.6 and I woke up feeling it at 5:05am this morning. Wow! That reminded me I needed to update my blog- it's a great thing I don't think about this because that means my recovery is not my major focus. Also, Facebook takes the place of most of my daily blogging. Isn't that a shame? All my freshest, best observations just fade into yesterday's status updates....but isn't that what's happening everywhere these days...
Anyway, here we are 10 1/2 weeks post-surgery and I'm doing so well! I still have a few more weeks with my back brace, but it's a mixed blessing. I'm still suffering from this right-leg nerve pain and it does help with that. I'm done with physical therapy, and can do most everything on my own now. I can go to my own gym and ride the recumbent bike for as many minutes as my muscles can take. I can do plies, some yoga positions and I feel almost like my old self. Actually, my joint pain seems to be returning, but I think that is because as the back pain fades, I'm aware of the oldie goldie annoying pains that had been overshadowed. Oh, joy! lol
I still wonder when the nerve damage on my right side will totally dissipate. I still have a little problem walking-my right foot clunks loudly when I put it down because my heel doesn't come forward enough. The right side of my shin is still numb - and I'm thinking that will be permanent. I just want the sharp pain under my right sit bone to resolve - so that sneezing is not a 10 on the pain scale one day. THAT is just unbearable....
Got a call from one of Dr. Haroun's patients yesterday who wanted a patient point of view about the surgery I had. I told her what had happened to me, but I felt weird because she is having the same pain now that I ended up with post-surgery. Don't know if it will work for her, but at least I know that Dr. Haroun fixed the pain I used to have - just wish this post-surgery pain was gone, too. But I know that it's only been 10 weeks, so I still feel good about where I'm at and very hopeful that with time, I'll sneeze pain-free again :)
Anyway, here we are 10 1/2 weeks post-surgery and I'm doing so well! I still have a few more weeks with my back brace, but it's a mixed blessing. I'm still suffering from this right-leg nerve pain and it does help with that. I'm done with physical therapy, and can do most everything on my own now. I can go to my own gym and ride the recumbent bike for as many minutes as my muscles can take. I can do plies, some yoga positions and I feel almost like my old self. Actually, my joint pain seems to be returning, but I think that is because as the back pain fades, I'm aware of the oldie goldie annoying pains that had been overshadowed. Oh, joy! lol
I still wonder when the nerve damage on my right side will totally dissipate. I still have a little problem walking-my right foot clunks loudly when I put it down because my heel doesn't come forward enough. The right side of my shin is still numb - and I'm thinking that will be permanent. I just want the sharp pain under my right sit bone to resolve - so that sneezing is not a 10 on the pain scale one day. THAT is just unbearable....
Got a call from one of Dr. Haroun's patients yesterday who wanted a patient point of view about the surgery I had. I told her what had happened to me, but I felt weird because she is having the same pain now that I ended up with post-surgery. Don't know if it will work for her, but at least I know that Dr. Haroun fixed the pain I used to have - just wish this post-surgery pain was gone, too. But I know that it's only been 10 weeks, so I still feel good about where I'm at and very hopeful that with time, I'll sneeze pain-free again :)
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Two steps forward, one step back...welcome to the AI two-step
27 days post-surgery....and now I have time and energy to be dragged down by my Auto-immune disease again -yippee!!
Had a pain-med free sleep last night -yea! Then, woke up to a sinus-induced bed-spinning nausea - again. Fought it madly and didn't have to worship at the porcelain throne this time, but I'm spending the day in my pajamas and robe, when I thought I'd done all my resting yesterday. WRONG! The story of a life with a chronic illness :(
About the spinal surgery progress -we are doing fantastic! It will be four weeks tomorrow since I had the surgery and I am pretty much off the cane except at the end of the day. I am already sick of the cursed back brace, although I have at least 8 weeks left of it. At about three weeks post-op, I felt miraculously better at the surgery site pain-wise, and I've been able to get up/down/in/out of bed with no pain and lots of movement. It's lovely!
Physical therapy has been a God-send, I must say. I never knew or had much use for PT before and didn't understand it's wonders, but with Sharon's exercises, deep tissue massage and ice, every visit is a big step in improvement of motion on my "good side". The numbness is minor, although I still have loss of feeling in the skin on my shin. I am getting lots of range of motion back in my right foot, ankle and calf although i still can't stand or walk on my heel. Not something you ever think about when you're healthy, but miss quite a lot when it's gone! Leads to a little floppy walking on that side, but getting better all the time :)
Had a pain-med free sleep last night -yea! Then, woke up to a sinus-induced bed-spinning nausea - again. Fought it madly and didn't have to worship at the porcelain throne this time, but I'm spending the day in my pajamas and robe, when I thought I'd done all my resting yesterday. WRONG! The story of a life with a chronic illness :(
About the spinal surgery progress -we are doing fantastic! It will be four weeks tomorrow since I had the surgery and I am pretty much off the cane except at the end of the day. I am already sick of the cursed back brace, although I have at least 8 weeks left of it. At about three weeks post-op, I felt miraculously better at the surgery site pain-wise, and I've been able to get up/down/in/out of bed with no pain and lots of movement. It's lovely!
Physical therapy has been a God-send, I must say. I never knew or had much use for PT before and didn't understand it's wonders, but with Sharon's exercises, deep tissue massage and ice, every visit is a big step in improvement of motion on my "good side". The numbness is minor, although I still have loss of feeling in the skin on my shin. I am getting lots of range of motion back in my right foot, ankle and calf although i still can't stand or walk on my heel. Not something you ever think about when you're healthy, but miss quite a lot when it's gone! Leads to a little floppy walking on that side, but getting better all the time :)
Saturday, May 22, 2010
First Walk!
Day 12 - and I was able to do something I havent' done in almost 2 years - take a walk! Strapped on my back brace, my iPod and grabbed my cane and made it about 1/4 mile I think. Wish it had been longer, but I started to get wobbly, so thought I wouldn't push it. It was amazing - walking without increasing pain, bright blue sky and sun, listening to music and feeling my muscles! It was so nice to be myself again...:)
Friday, May 21, 2010
Just when you thought it was safe....
...another pain comes your way :)
Day 11 after surgery. Still a miracle - I am down to using a cane now, but the nerve pain in my right (my "good" leg) is becoming a serious problem sometimes. I know I pushed it this week, though. Put in full days, waking up at around 7am each day, helping to get the boys to school, Physical therapy on Wednesday morning for about 2 hours, appointment with Dr. Haroun plus Xrays on Thursday all morning....but last night, I was in excrutiating pain in my right leg where my numbness/nerve pain is now. Couldn't hack the bed - after 1am, I came downstairs to settle in a recliner for the rest of the night's restless sleep. It wasn't until I got up at 7am and had my wits about me that I thought about giving myself an allowed double dose of pain meds that totally relieved the pain. Why don't I think about that while I'm writhing in pain in the middle of the night? At least I know it works and I'll remember it tonight - however, I think the recliner is still the best way to go for rest.
God Bless George- he's finished his "care week" for me by staying overnight down in the recliner, too. He's had a rough week as well, but I'm so blessed that he could be here with me. Next week, it's Diane's turn and I hope it's not too tough on her :)
Day 11 after surgery. Still a miracle - I am down to using a cane now, but the nerve pain in my right (my "good" leg) is becoming a serious problem sometimes. I know I pushed it this week, though. Put in full days, waking up at around 7am each day, helping to get the boys to school, Physical therapy on Wednesday morning for about 2 hours, appointment with Dr. Haroun plus Xrays on Thursday all morning....but last night, I was in excrutiating pain in my right leg where my numbness/nerve pain is now. Couldn't hack the bed - after 1am, I came downstairs to settle in a recliner for the rest of the night's restless sleep. It wasn't until I got up at 7am and had my wits about me that I thought about giving myself an allowed double dose of pain meds that totally relieved the pain. Why don't I think about that while I'm writhing in pain in the middle of the night? At least I know it works and I'll remember it tonight - however, I think the recliner is still the best way to go for rest.
God Bless George- he's finished his "care week" for me by staying overnight down in the recliner, too. He's had a rough week as well, but I'm so blessed that he could be here with me. Next week, it's Diane's turn and I hope it's not too tough on her :)
Friday, May 14, 2010
Surgery day plus 4
Good morning, everyone :) Home at last! I thought I'd write more before the surgery Monday, but my mind was racing and so terrified I just couldn't put anything down in words. And after...well, let's just say that afterwards typing, sitting up, just about anything was not in my repetoire of activities.
So yesterday afternoon I was able to leave the hospital and come home and I feel so much better being here, even though the pain is still here.
I have a terrible case of "drop foot" on my "good" side, but keep walking and walking hoping it goes away. I think it is. I'm only using Tylenol now, since all the narcotics kept stopping all intestinal activity...not a good thing, I'll assure you.
Big project of the day - figuring out how to shower and wash my hair. I'll let you know how it goes :)
So yesterday afternoon I was able to leave the hospital and come home and I feel so much better being here, even though the pain is still here.
I have a terrible case of "drop foot" on my "good" side, but keep walking and walking hoping it goes away. I think it is. I'm only using Tylenol now, since all the narcotics kept stopping all intestinal activity...not a good thing, I'll assure you.
Big project of the day - figuring out how to shower and wash my hair. I'll let you know how it goes :)
Saturday, May 1, 2010
T minus 8 and counting...
Today marks the last stress-free weekend before the big surgery. After two years of putting it off, I'm scheduled for spinal fusion of my L4/L5 on Monday, May 10th. I figure I may need a record of what goes on the next few weeks for my own records, so here goes!
In all ways, I am so ready for this. And the pain and pressure are worse each day, so I am always so glad when I am in pain now that I have a hope of relief one day. At this point, I rest fairly comfortably in our recliners and on my side in bed. Shopping is still hard - I feel pain before I get to the front door and any shopping after ten minutes is SO hard. I drag my feet while hanging on the cart and feel more and more pressure pushing down on my spine and legs. These are the times I am dying to have that surgery!
I'm due to be at the hospital at 5:45am on the morning of surgery. It'll be interesting to see how much sleep I get that night :)....
In all ways, I am so ready for this. And the pain and pressure are worse each day, so I am always so glad when I am in pain now that I have a hope of relief one day. At this point, I rest fairly comfortably in our recliners and on my side in bed. Shopping is still hard - I feel pain before I get to the front door and any shopping after ten minutes is SO hard. I drag my feet while hanging on the cart and feel more and more pressure pushing down on my spine and legs. These are the times I am dying to have that surgery!
I'm due to be at the hospital at 5:45am on the morning of surgery. It'll be interesting to see how much sleep I get that night :)....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)