Another day, another diagnosis

Well, I figured out what I have...epistolophobia!

Epistolophobia is an irrational or abnormal fear of writing or receiving letters or messages. 

Fun times! But this totally explains my panic attacks when I have to mail something.  It makes me nuts! This made me feel better:

Key points about epistolophobia:

Meaning: "Epistolo" comes from the Greek word "epistole" meaning "letter." 

Symptoms: People with epistolophobia might experience anxiety, panic attacks, or extreme discomfort when they need to write or send a letter. 

Related anxieties: This fear can sometimes be associated with anxieties around making mistakes in writing or the potential negative response from the recipient. 

So,  I can name it so I can treat it and handle it.  Just another day in my life....

second day is better

Second day off work.  Woke early again as usual. 

Kept caffeine to one cup.  Anxiety is better. 

Probably helped i had 10mg of pumpkin bakes last night :)

Today is better.  After breakfast and coffee and meds I'm still at 50% energy but I'm trying to pace myself. It helps that I don't have to go anywhere today and my doctor visit is virtual ☺️ 

Oh and I doubled my antidepressant today so that's gotta help :)

Of course

Of course I'm depressed..I can't run or dance or walk without pain. 

I forget how abnormal it is to have the constant discomfort or pain or nausea I'm in until those few days I take real pain meds... and the pain is totally gone. It's amazing. 

I just want to do something I don't HAVE to do and really enjoy it. 

Every day is a battle of willpower over my fatigue and pain and depression and ennui.

First day off with this week.. it's always rough.