January 7, 2022
Today I took a Xanax.
Now, that's not totally unusual for me as you know, especially this last few years of the Trumpapalooza of our nation, but after President Biden's inauguration, I stopped needing it almost permanently.
Yesterday was the one year anniversary of the Insurrection at the Capitol and today I needed one again.
My anxiety was pretty high yesterday, as expected, as I watched the President's amazing speech and watched the news channel replay the horrible footage from last year. But it was comforting and even Merrick Garland's lukewarm speech about not letting anyone get away helped normalcy.
And then I watched the "other US" point of view broadcasts and it just made me sink into the Post-Truth reality we live in.
Unless we are able to take back a majority of elected and election officials and pass good voting laws nationwide, this will be the end of our Democracy. The "other" side TRULY believes they've been lied to by EVERYONE and the current government and COVID scientific community are against them. They really do. Even tough Ex Pres Sweet Potato Hitler probably knows the truth (and I know the Faux network definitely does), he keeps pushing all the horrible lies and they lap it up like lap dogs with no brains. This is our reality....or rather our split reality.
I am adjusting to the fact that we are probably headed for an autocracy. No one in my family here understands that. The boys are adults but have no interest in listening to the crazy. I'm married to amazing wonderful man that truly believes this will all work out and I'm blowing it out of proportion so I have to watch my MSM news on the sly like political porn. And pretend it's not on my mind every second. My only hope so far is that he watched the Amazon Prime Jon Stewart show with me the other night that laid it all out with panelists from other Democratic-turned-autocratic countries - and he didn't "poo poo" it. I hope he listened to the men more than he listens to me about this. I can handle it if it works.
So today, I'm trying to medicate with Xanax and art. My hands are shaking and my mind is racing but I am just trying to adjust to my New Reality...that Post Truth and COVID are here to stay for years. And that maybe one day I won't be able to write like this about the government because it will be censored and taken down. So until then, I need to document what is happening for my kids and grandkids.
I can't even say "Lord help us" because it's put a huge hole in the religious part of my soul. And because of that I feel more alone than ever.
But...pray for us anyway.
