May 5, 2025
It's so hard to even function as a human right now. Can't just turn on the news to hear what's going on because the whole country is on fire (metaphorically). Can't enjoy or relax or do anything because my brain has just shut down and joy is so far away I can barely remember it. I'm just glad I'm on antidepressants or it would be unbearable. Now it's just ....yuck and damn.
I've been wanting to blog for days but didn't have the ability to make myself sit down and type this out. I've been therapeutically doom scrolling for days, just walking by my painting room day after day and not able to get back to it. So I feel like a failure and imposter on top of everything.
I had an awful Zoom chat with my dad and stepmom last week where my dad showed just how much he doesn't understand that black people are part of the middle class, too, and my stepmom just showed that she needs to bait me to talk about political things that she has no clue about.
It was so enlightening that I saw that she baits me. And I realized that, like most other MAGA, she needs to argue with non-Maga people to feel something. Not sure what - anger, relevance, justification of her bad decisions and hatred? I'm not sure, but now that I see it for what it is, I hope it doesn't trigger me again. I'll just tell myself each week:
She is baiting you to get you engaged in argument to make herself feel important.
It's not about who's right - I obviously am, since I have more experience about most of the stuff that she brings up - it's about her making someone else her scapegoat.
The more she argues about her side of the case, the more she thinks she is right and the more powerful she feels. It doesn't matter what I say. It never did.
The best thing I can do is ignore and laugh at her.
I guess laughing at my stepmom won't fly, so ignoring will have to do. It doesn't make me wrong, it takes her power away. She isn't trying to be right, she is trying to be loudest to make herself feel better. Leaving her alone in her statements only makes her feel worse.
Let her best friend be Fox news...that's who she'll end up with when Dad goes.
And sad as it is, I won't have to have contact with her anymore, thank God.
Happy Monday and Cinco de Mayo :)
