Today is Thursday, February 25th, 2021. I think.
Gone is the disbelief and slow panic from the beginning of the pandemic. Thankfully, also gone is the daily assault on reality now that the Trump train is not in power anymore. (Note: I literally cried like a baby when he was inaugurated...and that surprised the heck out of me.) I'm still getting used to the daily calm and not feeling the need to get the daily news fix to know how close we are to WWIII because of that doofus.
It has been nearly a year since we entered our first lockdown. Each day blends into the next. The sameness has made my brain numb. We are so blessed that our lives were "relatively" uninterrupted after the boys made the transition to online schooling.
We wake up. We log on. We work and learn. We stop for meals. We watch TV. We go to bed. Repeat.
The little saving graces include trips to the grocery store and our ballroom dance lessons and practice parties once or twice a week. Danny can still docent at the B&O train museum each Sunday since it's nicely spaced apart and everyone is still masking up. Ben was going to a neighbor friend's house once a month or so, but even those have stopped.
Erin and Shayla break up the monotony when they stay here. Their homelife in Edgewater has broken apart so this is their part-time home for now. It is nice but sad when they are here. And when Kaileb comes to visit, it's a whirlwind. He is the embodiment of the Tasmania Devil!
The biggest change to our life overall has been the complete loss of travel. Countless plans have been made and changed and cancelled. I can't possibly get excited about a vacation because there is no guarantee we'll go. Last year we did make it to a week at Ocean City and a week at Massanutten...and they were tolerable because we spent most of our time in our rentals where we didn't have to worry about masks.
This year will be different - somewhat. The hospital where I am assigned (remotely) gave me my vaccinations in January so I'm all set. The rest of the family is in the lowest risk category so no idea when they will be "safe". We're planning the same vacations this summer so we can add that to another Groundhog Day-type event to add to this year.
The absence of anxiety about our government has allowed other emotions to surface...like depression. There are hard days now, especially when the weather is grey, when I just can't deal. But I do. I don't really hope for any particular thing anymore, just the hope that tomorrow I will feel better. Eventually I do.
But my art has really suffered. I don't know why. Once we started the lockdown I should have been elated to have more time to paint and sketch, but it has dwindled to a slow trickle of pieces. I think because my art was always coming from a place of joy (flowers, scenery, family) that I don't have much these days. I still try. Some pieces are still okay. But I am not filled with the happiness I felt before. I could really use it right now, but....
So this is where we are. Doggie paddling through a stillness with no official end in sight. It's hard. But it could be so much worse.
Our local drycleaner friend, Jeannie, passed away from COVID last August and we didn't find out until a passing neighborhood walker filled us in. My dearest high school friend lost her husband to suicide just a month ago. My stepmom found out she has breast cancer and is scheduled for surgery next month. Uncle Father Joe is at the end of his run with multiple myeloma and it seems like he has just months left. And of course, Erin's marriage finally imploded.
So when I look around, I know how lucky we are. Our 20th anniversary is coming up in June and we are in a good place, which is a miracle in itself. Our boys seem to be doing fine and the rest of the family is healthy. But the world is still sick and it's like we live in a world that has a perpetual low-grade flu. And I think it will be like this for a while.
But we are still here.
Happy 2021.
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