Depression

I have depression.  I've had episodes since I was a teenager,  along with anxiety.  This is one of those episodes.

I wake up each morning without anything to look forward to.  Every single thing I do is an effort. I don't want to do anything.  Anything. 

I started taking my buproprion again,  but half the dose. I had to do something.  I'll give myself credit.. I'm always looking for solutions. 

This is miserable.  Well,  actually more like feelingless. Day after day.  I feel like I'm wasting my life but really,  what else do I need to do? My children are all adults.  I'm getting ready to retire soon. I'm done and have no purpose.  For now.  

I am trying to read more,  and it helps,  but not for long.  I scroll Twitter endlessly just to feel something.  Maybe the anxiety from the political idiocracy helps keeping me from going down further into the constant downward pull into the pit in my soul. 

I'm so tired of this crap.  The constant struggle with pain, or itching, or anxiety attacks or depression episodes. I'm so tired.