Sunday, February 20, 2022
It's quiet here tonight. The boys are at a video game event and Erin has Kaileb quietly in the basement and Shayla is asleep on the futon in my office.
It's calm. And weird.
We are waiting as a world to see if Putin will invade Ukraine. We have a good solid President in Biden so we know that the US and Europe are doing the best that we can, but we are waiting. Holding our breath.
At home, all hell has broken out at the local level with the crazy Republicans. I wish we could give them another name, but they own it now. School systems are banning books, the Florida governor is trying to forbid talking about LBGTQ issues and people - and at the same time "outing" students at school.
There is a state trying to overturn a 60 year old law that allows a husband and wife to decide which birth control they will use.
I don't recognize my country. It is obvious it will be generations before we get back to where we were when I was a young adult. If we ever do.
At the same time, my daughter is struggling with how to end a marriage to an abusive narcissist with whom she shares my 5yo grandson. Once again, her life is totally upended. And after she totalled her car 2 weeks ago, she has nothing. No car, no home, no family. They are camped in our basement and my office again, but that isn't a good long term arrangement for the kids. We all have no idea how to get her on her feet again.
I'm struggling with the aftereffects of my latest kidney stones: cystitis. I've coded a thousand of these cases but never thought I'd have it myself. 24x7 pressure and soreness in my bladder. It can make a person insane. So thankful it's calmed down enough with meds so I can function. But it's always something with this body.
This lovely body I am so fortunate to have. It has done so much for me! I have to remember to be thankful for all it has allowed me to do over the decades: bear children, ballet and ballroom and club dance, ski, travel, tai chi, yoga, climb hiking trails and so much more. I've had 60 good years of adventures and decades more. It is holding up pretty well for this old gal. That is, if I can continue to manage the pain that is everywhere always.
And it is allowing me to be an artist really for the first time in my life. I've been sketching as long as I can remember. Horses as a child, then my children, now almost everything.
Right now I am working on a graphite sketch of my friend's mother. I am using a 100dayproject challenge to get myself to work on it a little every day that I can. It's turning out beautiful. I want it to be perfect...but I also want to accept it if is not.
So I am deeply enjoying the quiet this evening. Tomorrow morning starts my three day work week and I am so grateful for that as well. A job I can do at home that is a REAL job, which matters every day to the patients I code, and that I do well. I get paid respectably and can still contribute to the household bills and help pay for college when Ben starts this fall. And I am just as glad it is only 3 days a week because by Wednesday I am exhausted. I am so deeply deeply grateful that I do not have to work a 40 hour work week anymore. My husband is amazingly supportive of me...I am truly blessed.
So ... I'm off to enjoy my blessings again and to Pray for Ukraine, the land where my husband's family is from. Trump is finally gone, Maybe one day Putin will be too.
- L
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